- Embryonics. A division of Gamete Co. A member of Zygote Inc. Added 9/3/02
<spinn> "I would appreciate any help in marketing
this product"
<spinn> sure, here's your help: "don't"
- Soap: radiation's #1 enemy Added 8/14/02
<Drusilla> NO HURTY HERE
<Drusilla> JUST GOOD CLEAN RADIATION,
<MisterQ> nothing to see here, move along
<Drusilla> MMMM-MMMMM
<MisterQ> That's delicious radiation!
- <Spoing> YEARP YUYEARP YEEARP! <family slowly advances on the trap> Added August 1, 2002
<tieboy> i just can't believe people are buying pbj
sammiches
<zompist> especially crimped ones
<zompist> that way you can't tell if it's REALLY pb
<zompist> could be any damn thing oozed out by
something or someone at smucker's
- "It's a long way to hell, Jimmy Ray, and they might not have food on that hellbound train, so you should at least bring an apple." Added July 25, 2002
<MisterQ> "Wild game or whatever is on the menu and
cold lemonade. Served cheeseburger and french fries, declined last meal"
<MisterQ> Since when is cheesburger and fries 'wild
game'?
<agent_orange> warden still not back with the car
- STOP SHITTING ON EVERYTHING Added April 29, 2002
<Lore> "Learn how to use a compass"?
<Lore> Is that difficult?
<Lore> I just assumed it pointed North and that was it.
<Lore> Do you have to prime it or something?
- "How was your day?" "I don't know, Colette, why don't you ask your huge cock?" Added April 20, 2002
<Lore> I'm glad Colette's not home. I would have
had to explain.
- "Mr. Pibb because it has the sweet, refreshing bold taste they need to express their independence." let's send a case to ben Added April 19, 2002
<spinn> yeah. the whole enron thing has me concerned
<spinn> it feels like there are dominoes falling
<Guruzilla> so, you guys brushing up on your
subsistence-agriculture skills?
<spinn> concerned. not, like, getting-off-my-ass
worried
- no matter how you whines and wheezes / she won't fuck till you love jesus Added April 9, 2002
<mdxi> Noter Damer / Omnus Pater / You want love /
She's gotter lotter / Hailing Mary / Saving grace / Loves manchowder /
In her face
<mdxi> BURMA SHAVE
<raven> That's a jumprope rhyme there, mdxi.
<mdxi> oh. okay then
<mdxi> 1, 2, 3, 4 howmany dicks in the back door,
8, 9, 10, 11..
- "my yoni has a first name" Added February 25, 2002
<LJ-atwork> we had our chance
<LJ-atwork> but we didn't go for it
<LJ-atwork> she fucked this guy and broke the sink
- "MY wife likes to drop heavy statures of shiva on my tacticals." Added February 9, 2002
<agent_orange> "I have some globules like things on
the outer skin of the scrotum. Some times they dissappear and then
repear in more numbers. they do itch sometimes and have yellow
formations and then they disappear. What are those things and how do
they form ? Please explain."
<agent_orange> "WRAP YOURSELF IN PLASTIC AND CALL
HAZMAT WALLAHS. DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING, MY GOODNESS ME"
- We couldn't be bothered / To find out how you are / We just assumed your were fine / And sent this bear from afar. Added February 8, 2002
<jacquilyn> How many languages you speak, zomp?
<zompist> half a dozen or so.
<jacquilyn> Damn.
<jacquilyn> So when the chick on Enterprise gets
mistaken for a redshirt, you're gonna take over?
- "and on the seventh day during commercials for Friends that he created for the occasion, God decided to drop in a low-orbit sphere of water, 'just in case'." Added February 4, 2002
<tieboy> i don't have any problems grasping the God
could flood the earth.
<tieboy> I don't need a sphere of floating water to
explain it.
<tieboy> What I do need explained is the dung.
The dung.
<tieboy> the dung would be a big challenge
<tieboy> i mean, 90% of zookeeping has to be
dung-related
<tieboy> every Wednesday morning, I know the director
of every zoo calls a meeting and goes "Okay, what's the dung status."
- So, she's looking for a guy with no arms. Added January 28, 2002
<Freyja> "I understand that you're looking for a man
who either doesn't masturbate or who doesn't condone masturbation for
himself and would prefer to live without it. I fit what you're looking
for in this regard."
<spinn> "And I can say this sentence in person with
a straight face."
- "Largely Facetious Essays On Various Items, Mostly Pop Culture But Some Random Other Stuff Too, With Letter Grades At The End As If We Were Reviewing Them. Get It?" Added January 22, 2002
<Lore> Well, the problem seems to be that the
marketing folks feel that wit confuses people.
<Freyja> wit confuses marketing people, so it's no
wonder
<antihero> wit does confuse most people
<Lore> That's what I'm told. Even as we speak,
dedicated copyeditors (or perhaps copy editors) are futzing with my
conditional clauses.
- We'll be dining tonight at the Consumptive Dog Cafe Added December 26, 2001
<StanXhiao> Crammed duck: Kill the duck, remove its
tongue, then depilate it in hot water of 60C, pump air into it to
separate the skin and meat. Remove the feet, make a cut in right side
to remove the intestines, windpipes, support its breast up with
sorghum stalk, remove the wing ends, remove the rectum from anus,
clean it with water.
<tieboy> Save the rectum!
<StanXhiao> The trick is the sorghum stalk, as seen
in (Ken, what DFC was that?).
<agent_orange> I can't seem to find that on my
Williams-Sonoma good cooking CD
<SeanQ> agto: are you looking under "duck anus" or
"anus, duck"?
- That's a molester. Totally. Added December 4, 2001
<mdxi> YOUNG CHRISTIAN COUPLE just moved here! In
search of a new life in the Great South and With Christ! In search of
camper home or mobile home that we could make payments on until we can
get on our feet! Also, we are in desperate need of WORK!
<mdxi> i'm reading that as "serial killers just
wandered into area, seek first kill in this state"
- Whenever you say "Holocaust" use finger quotes. Added November 12, 2001
<Samwise> How is it you haven't been beaten to death with a dreidel?
- Are we playing Naughty Amish again? Added November 12, 2001
<mdxi> m-w.com recently had an article on slang,
which included "phat". they had instances of that spelling, used
in the context of "good", dating back to 1899
<tieboy> "And to-day I decree this in-door water
closet confabulation to indeed be phat!"
<spinn> "melissa, the new washing-device has a
hand-crank agitator-engine to distribute lye throughout your daily
washing."
<spinn> "phat!"
- Cavity spelunking for God. Added September 19, 2001
<tieboy> They don't allow guns in schools, either,
but they get in
<Leth> GodSmuggling
<Leth> "Son, do you have God in your backpack?" "No,
sir" "Well, we'll have to strip search you anyhow"
- I get the impression that putting lucky charms in the ps2 is advised Added September 19, 2001
<jacquilynne> It's the message I have problems with.
If you have to be warned not to spill liquids into the CD player, then
you are too stupid to own this product.
<tieboy> Don't drag it behind your car. Don't store
it in a full aquarium. Don't use it to heal the blind. Stuff like that.
- "The Xenon penis is a noble penis indeed." Added September 13, 2001
<KemloCaesar> "the sodium penis explodes on contact
with water"
- Lou, servant of Sir Daniels of Tennessee Added September 10, 2001
<CrzyClmbr> jeezus, she's all but auctioning off her
daughters...
<CrzyClmbr> More than i want to know: "Allie has
brought many gifts of herself and her love to the Featherstone Clan."
- The pig's holding its crotch... Added September 10, 2001
<Samwise> Elk: did you fill up that special container
of love & joy?
<Elkman> Uh, if you're talking about that visit to
the sperm bank, that's kind of personal.
- You're just jealous that she has a higher sperm count than you do. Added September 10, 2001
<mdxi> "The poetry on this page was written while I
was going through the decisions of a divorce, an in-between infatuation
and finally finding my true love-the one who shared my past lives."
<zompist> what, geocities is gone...?
- The only acceptable fiction is based on the Bible! Oh, wait...er, um... Added September 10, 2001
<tieboy> Muppets from Space: The instances of sexual
nature that may need your maturity for the child to properly develop
included Miss Piggy gamming (sitting cross-legged intentionally in a
very short skirt showing as much upper leg as possible),
<tieboy> it's a muppet!!!!
<tieboy> It's a sock with eyes!
- I like yellow trucks. I'm a nartist. Added September 10, 2001
- brrrr. ptui. ptui. Added September 10, 2001
- what she'd expect to get from such a position: herpes Added September 6, 2001
- Fish butt with seven jade happiness Added September 6, 2001
- It was kinda like Zelda, except you threw fruit at people and they repented. Added September 6, 2001
- I don't think there's a word in Japanese for "self-wedgification to preserve one's honor"
<spinn> besides, what's the challenge in a cthulhu
game anyway? everything's a saving throw against insanity, and you use
a big 300-sided die where 270 or so sides are 0
- Day 4: "Why The Tab Key Doesn't Bring Soda"
<tieboy> Day 5: We'll Show You The "Key" to the
"Caps Lock"
<CrazyClimber> Day 6: Using the "Home" Key... At "Work"
<agent_orange> Day 25: Num Lock is not a Vietnamese
fish sauce
- What does you all tawk aboat in this here talking thang?
<Hubie> iffin you is nice to peeple they is nice to you. you is not nice so they ain't no reesen for me to be nice to you, but I wanted to be.
<sol-D> I'm deprived of sex and purpose. *sob*
<SoiledGreen> that's why they make masturbation.
<Draymoor> Nononono, we're depraved of sex and purpose
<sol-D> I can live without the sex, but being without purpose is terrible
<raven> I think I have porpoise, though.
- With prices so low, he's gotta be gay!
<zompist> i bet tie looked like that when he had a goatee
<spinn> yeah, and liked to knock out a light libretto with every cup of jasmine tea
<tieboy> existence and nothingness
<spinn> okay, beverage down, aaaand...
- He's an engima wrapped in a riddle wrapped in a [sic].
<raven> baahahahahha "Three domain names; dozen of format changes; three designers; five designs; and minus 90% of the original staff later..."
<spinn> oh man if ever I needed a reason to get ruffiani together
<spinn> goddamnit, I should've spent the last year preparing
<spinn> argghghghgh
- Wonder if they have those in a jar at the officem
<spinn> General blasphemy is material that is considered evil when viewed through the Eyes of God.
<spinn> wonder if they have those in a jar at the office
<Samwise> Yeah, I like that presumed authority.
<SoiledGreen> "hey god! whatta 'bout this site? bad? okay!"
<spinn> "oh, uh...we'd have God's holy Eyes look at our site, but we don't uh, want to move the jar."
- Man, crowley's spinning in his mausoleum
<agent_orange> wolf this and wolf that and for god's sake, there are more birds in the world than ravens (no offense)
<mdxi> "Tungsten Crowdog"?...no...
<Lore> Silver Aukwolf?
<mdxi> "Molybdenum Budgiecoyote"?
<zompist> Molybdenum Roosterpanther
<Kyol> Uranium Pigeonmarmot?
<PyroP> Magnesium Squirrelcrow
<agent_orange> Aluminum Tits
- My kid's three, and plays with cars. Apparently I'm doing SOMETHING wrong...
<Elkman> "M-I-C... I'll see you in therapy! K-E-Y!
Why? Because my parents forced me to enter pageants and STOLE MY
CHILDHOOD! M-O-U-S-E!"
- Take A Bite Outta Braiiiiiinnnnsszzzshhszz
<Machival> I once took a field trip to a magical
field where animals could talk and I could move things with my mind...
<Machival> no... wait... that was an ACID trip
- But one day, soon we hope, there will be plenty of plush toys in space
<Elkman> Jacqui: Is this the same arm crane thingy
that they have at arcades where you can win a prize if you're agile?
<jacquilyn> Umm, gee, elk, not quite, no.
<jacquilyn> There being a decided lack of plush toys
in space.
<Kyol> jacqui: But one day, soon we hope, there _will_
be plenty of plush toys in space. And We know the canadarm was
designed for that eventuality.
- My poop had slime bubbles about the size of dimes
<TomtheFish> and all i wanted was advice on
palm pilots
- 17 going on 2 to 5
<SoiledGreen> that guy has that "wait till the
camera man is gone, so i can beat the fuck out of you" look.
- I'm NEVER gonna get my Mr. Pibb
<tieboy> "In the event of a water landing, expanding
gasses inside the corpse may make the body boyant."
<agent_orange> "Your liver may be used as a flotation
device."
<tieboy> "If you're seated in an exit row and cannot
perform the duties listed, or are a wheezing dying disease-infested carcas, please ask the flight attendant to reseat you."
- "I can be your hands ... and so, so much more..."
<agent_orange> that's rpobably how he hurt his hands
<agent_orange> she punched up her butt cheeks all of
a sudden, and SNAP! SNAP!
<agent_orange> there go the wrists
- "We keep your vending machines fully stocked with Twinkies"
<Elkman> "Yo, don't be dissin' the expresso machine,
brutha!"
<Elkman> If I ever saw a phrase like that in any
company communication, I'd be demoralized in seconds flat.
- Put a little Snap! Crackle! BLAAAAARGH! into your morning!
<CrazyClimber> any dessert?
<maime> got some rice krispie treats.
- "aaaaah! horses falling from the sky!"
<KemloCaesar> well, they used to slaughter hundreds
of horses for Westerns
<kaufman> John Wayne had a big appetite
- two pounds of roast beef SLICED THIN SCHNELL SCHNELLLLL
<CrazyClimber> let them know you're an expert in meat
shrinkage, leth
<Nate-0> And that you've been close to Cumming quite
often
<Leth> actually, I currently work in the Cumming Center
<Leth> 'work at the Cumming, in Beverly'
<kaufman> is that anywhere near Fakingit
- SHE PEERS INTO MY SOUL. MAKE HER STOP.
<jacquilyn> Jesus, someody just kicked theat guy in
the nads.
<jacquilyn> Couldn't they possibly have waited four
or five minutes and taken another picture.
- "in the inn, they had soup. elphanor: But this soup is cream-based, AND it has tomatoes?!?!?"
<Lore> "A toothless whore simply called the "Gummer"
hung around Chatterstreet Market. She chased the members of the party
down where ever they went."
<Lore> 'For comedy the guards would always show up
after every battle saying,"What's all this then?"'
<spinn> whoo! comedy!
<tieboy> i'd never get tired of that
<Lore> As if a toothless whore named "Gummer" wasn't
comedy enough.
- "Do you take this woman as your YEEEAGH WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING ON YOUR HEAD?!?"
<ReallySickQ> "Jonathan Livingston Seagull's in
my cleavage!!"
- Datadyne: Makers of Fine Black Helicopters
Since 1945
<Leth> "You Vill Help Der Little Kiddiez! Und You
Vill Like It!"
<tieboy> Just last week, our trained ninjas repainted
the kids rec center
- A Swingset. Thank a fucking heap. You old bat.
<tieboy> Plus, Susie has that destabilizing inner-ear
condition, so she can't swing without vomiting
- Cap'n Wacky's Unfortunate Valentine's Cards
<Raven> #34 - buck naked child racking themselves on
a garland.
- Got Nad's?
<tieboy> "Nad's: Strong enough for a man, so we named
it after a scrotum."
- I don't want to be Elfstar any more. I want to be Debbie!
<Raven> "the pope released his Jesuits upon England"
Deadly Ninja Jesuits, with black cassocks and nunchaku.
- iSourceline, News With Attitude
<zompist> i suppose they figured they'd be our i
source for a line on... er, our i line on sources of... er, ...
- iSourceline, the Internet's Sourceline
<SeanQ> "Hello Please! English is not easy for to
learn, but it look as you have got good grip for beginnings!"
- Put that in my Velvet Vulva!
<agt_orang> The sleeping bag is deeply disturbing.
Any signs of a lunch box?
- Smells Like God
<spinn> I guess you run low on dopey heartwarming
things a kid could say at the end of a story like that
<spinn> "the angels are pouring--uh, the saints
are--um, okay, it smells like God"
<Leth^> If Vic ever says anything like that, he's
going straight onto the Thorazine
<spinn> "dad, this smells like the inside of St.
Victor's linen closet." "boy, take your pills or yer gettin' a
whuppin'."
- Jamcracker!
<agt_orang> he's made a career out of making up names
that sound like piers anthony characters.
- It's Noritastic!
<spinn> yeah, part of the instructions should be
"stare directly at a friend or loved one and smile disconcertingly as
water gushes out your other nostril"
- All Hail Beaver U.!
<Rebeca> Saddest bit is that "Beardedclam Techinical
Institute" is right down the road
- "It's Money. So Use It."
<Agent_Orange> A Proud Legacy Of Poverty, Illiteracy,
Racial Discrimination and Corruption, immortalized forever on this
lovely coin
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